Funny Birthday Quotes

“The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.”

Doris Day

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ”

Lucille Ball

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

Jack Benny

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory. ”

Ingrid Bergman

“Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Charles Shultz

“There is still no cure for the common birthday."

John Glenn

"Ageing seems to be the only available way to live a long life."

Francois Esprit Auber

"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."

Micky Mantle

"I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do".


Phyllis Diller

"Oh to be seventy again!" 


Georges Clemenceau
(upon seeing a pretty girl on his eightieth birthday)

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's 
birthday but never remembers her age".

Robert Frost

"Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example."


Francois De La Rochefoucauld

"To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am".

Bernard M. Baruch

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."

Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."

Jane Wagner

"First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly."


Branch Rickey

“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.”

Jim Eason

"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair"


Sam Ewing

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
”

Truman Capote

“I much prefer being over the hill to being under it.”

Bruce Lansky

“At my age I don't care if my mind starts to wander- just as long as it comes back again. ”

Mike Knowles

“Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.”

Glenn Dorenbush

“When you can finally afford the rings you want, you'd rather no one noticed your hands. ”

Lois Muehl

"A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. ”

Henny Youngman

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have the longer you live!”

“Be kind to your kids, they'll be choosing your nursing home”

"I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.”

“They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body..”

"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.”

“When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.”

“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake”

“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.”

“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.”

“Middle age: Later than you think, and sooner than you expected.”

“I have everything now I had twenty years ago — except now it’s all lower.”

“Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.”

"Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative..”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“The only way to relieve the frustration of being older is to constantly seek new ways of irritating the young. Fortunately in old age, you develop the ability to do this naturally in every single thing you do or say.””