50th Birthday Speech

A really funny 50th birthday speech
Easily adapted for any 50 year old party boy!

Planning a 50th birthday party? You need to have a moment where the whole thing comes together. Where all the focus is on the Party Person.

This might be as the 50th birthday cake is presented at a party. Or just as a way of everyone saying Happy Birthday together.

What is really needed for these moments however is a dead funny 50th birthday speech.

Just to let the Birthday Boy know that you have been thinking of them......and the changes to come!

Well you wouldn't want to let the opportunity pass would you!



The 50th birthday speech below is written as if for a chap called Ralph. It is very easily adapted however and makes a great base for your own effort.

Tip - When reading your 50th birthday speech, take it slowly and wait for the laughs.

Have fun!

50th Birthday Speech

Well here we all are ……… gathered to pay tribute to someone, amongst our number, who has achieved the distinction of reaching his half century. I know. Its hard to believe isn't it? I know even Ralph himself has been wondering how the hell has this happened.

Along with his many years of course comes wisdom, wit and great knowledge….. Grace charm and distinguished good looks are of course other hallmarks of the elder gentleman………….Well he has only just turned 50 I guess its not all going to happen the first day!

And really as he turns 50 there is a lot for Ralph to start getting used to. So much in fact you’d think the government would put on some kind of course or training programme for those like Ralph entering this uncharted territory of their 6th decade. A sort of preparation period for getting completely over the hill.

But there are definite advantages - As you get older you have a lot more time. Ralph won’t for instance have to spend much time at the dentist … no he’ll just be posting his dentures in for servicing from now on! That’s right you know you’re getting old when you and your teeth no longer sleep together!. And think of all that time saved in the barber’s chair.

And what will he do with all this free time I wonder? Well there’s obviously daytime TV shows I hear he’s already started taping them! And then there’s many an enjoyable hour to be passed with a catalogue choosing cardigans and slacks.

That’s not to say he still doesn’t get out much. Why only last night he spent most of the evening on the patio! ……..No I’m only joking this is one Birthday Boy who still likes to party. Ok rather than Grease its more Grecian 2000 but at least he still makes the effort.

There’s still a twinkle in his eye too……… Trouble is the ladies can’t tell if that’s whats on his mind it is or just the disco lights glinting on his bi-focals……

No I’m only joking, the ladies better watch out while the silver fox is on the prowl. He's the king of the slow dances …… though in fact thinking about it that’s how he moves about all the time now!

And it’s not true that as you get older the only thing that gets hard is your arteries. Ralph’s already been experimenting with Viagara. Trouble was he swallowed the little blue pill too slowly and just got a stiff neck!

But of course the important thing is he’s still game……even though you do have to explain the rules a few times these days.

Its great to see that Ralph’s clearly looked after himself over all these years. The good thing is pushing yourself to the max actually gets easier as you get older. These days he gets out of breath walking down a flight of stairs.

Another of Ralph’s training tips he's said I can share with you – always leave the cookie jar a sensible distance from the sofa. A few yards 6 times an hour soon add up you know!

And of course mental agility is as important as athletic prowess. And on that score Ralph is pretty much where he has always been……….OK I know we have all started to notice the onset of the odd senior moment. However Ralph assures me that his mind doesn’t really wander it just goes out looking for new ideas.

Anyway we must press on. The last thing someone of Ralph’s age needs is another late night

Its traditional on occasions such as these to present the Birthday Boy with a nice cake. But in these risk averse times we’ve had to reign ourselves in a bit.....The candles on the cake were likely to be a health and safety issue........ He’d never have had the breath to blow them all out anyway.

But can now everyone join me….. Hold on you’’ll have to speak up cos his hearings not all it was…… In wishing Ralph a Very Happy Birthday.

Have you got any neat lines for a 50th birthday speech. Either something that you have heard at a party or written yourself? Send them in to us and we will see if we can add them to this page.

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